Hello, my adoring fans! And new people who find me through the podcast. Mom tried. She really did.
We have to be nice and let her think she did the podcast all right. But don’t worry, I fixed it. Continued below…
Mom attempted an interview podcast. It was SUPPOSED to be an interview of both of us but nobody let me talk. Mom tried her best; but she didn’t answer all the questions exactly the way I would have. So I had to edit it.
I would like to thank Wilford, the cat, for allowing Mom and me to use her office to record the podcast since she has way cooler equipment than mom does.
And thank her Daddy, Micky, for helping Mom not sound too dumb in the part she did.
Thank you, Wilford, also for letting me sneak back in to the office when Mom and Micky were distracted to record my edits.
I stole Mom’s old laptop so I could do the cuts of the editing at home. Mom screwed up a lot and I didn’t have that much time by myself in the office!
I’d like everyone to know about Sheila’s book, the one I am reading in the picture Mom took for the podcast,
I haven’t been posting regularly lately. I’m sorry! Professor was very sick and Mom was spending a lot of time with him. He used to growl at me so I couldn’t go in with him. He went to the Rainbow Bridge on November 20. Mom says his ashes will be home soon to join the three doggies she had before I came to live here. Nobody will growl at me anymore. I have to give him credit, he was very brave! He didn’t run from me and I was MUCH bigger than him. Mom misses him. I guess I do too.
Professor succumbed to anemia caused by Feline Leukemia Virus. He was about 4 years old. He lived with us for just a little over one year. Medical science knows nothing about viruses.
Anyway, Mom is taking a class. Night school for divorced ladies as Elizabeth Gilbert might call it.
Yeah, Mom reads these books. She always has. This picture is a few years old. The wine is a random one she had that day. She went through a phase where she tried every wine on the shelf.
But I digress, Mom is taking a class. And her assignment was to fall in love. She said, “Nothin’ doin’!” So she’s falling in love with me. Can you tell Mom is an introvert? Not a people person at all. I’m the outgoing fun one! So I am going to help her do these 36 questions. I’m going to answer some and she’s going to answer the others. It is HER assignment, after all. I refuse to do ALL the work for her. Plus she sometimes can tell what I’m thinking so occasionally I let her talk for me. But only when she’s a good girl.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Probably one of her former owners. I’m sure she misses some very much. Dogs remember. One in particular I know she would share fries from Wendy’s. And yes, I do bring her fries from Wendy’s once in a while. After her metabolism kicked in, I started letting her snack. We just take an extra walk or cut some calories elsewhere. Dieting is an ongoing process not a punishment. She gets people food now!
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
I already am! Look how much my public loves me! I know you all want to meet me too!
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Dogs don’t make telephone calls, silly!
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
It would definitely involve a car ride, lots of food, a walk, pets from everybody, stealing all the cat food in the house, and curling up with someone she loves. And maybe catching a ups truck or a squirrel. If she wasn’t sleeping when it went by.
I found another fat Sammie picture!
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
We “sing” to each other every night! I like to sing with Mom. Even though she is completely off key.
We do. And yes, I know I’m off key. It’s a ritual we have developed since she was left with me. Every night, Sammie gets a few treats and a bone to chew. Then she gets her midnight snack (which is usually around 1 or 2 AM), she gets a massage, and we growl and howl together and wake up the neighborhood! And then it’s bedtime. Usually that ends up being 4 AM-ish.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Definitely body. My answer would be the same as Sammie’s. The mind is shaped by experience. Why would you want to give that up? No matter what the outcome. And also, see next question.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Two different vets think she might have Cushing’s disease. Her cortisol levels are off the charts, her liver values have been high since last year’s annual checkup and just this year her kidney values were elevated. She got an infection. She gets them occasionally. That’s a sign of Cushing’s. So was her ballooning up to 158#. Although the vet is surprised she is keeping the weight off. That is difficult with Cushing’s. We work at it.
I’m not going to put her through the treatment for Cushing’s. She’s 8, maybe 9 years old. It’s a manageable condition. And the possible gains from treating her with chemotherapy drugs aren’t that much. I’m mostly afraid of the kidney values. That’s what I fear will do her in. I had a dog before her who had chronic kidney failure. You can smell it on their breath. Its terrible. I did everything right to keep his organs functioning as best I could.
I had to sign his execution orders because nobody told me the mineral deposits his kidneys couldn’t clear out were building up in his brain. There’s nothing to be done for that because nothing crosses the blood brain barrier to flush those. He got really weak and woozy. He had a seizure. Almost bit his tongue off. I stuck my hands in his mouth against veterinarian express orders; but he flailed around so much, I couldn’t stop it.
I really don’t want to make that decision for Sammie. Like our intro says, I’m not “her person”, I’m just a person who loves her. Dogs pick their person. But she’s my responsibility now and that comes with the territory. It just came with the territory with Professor.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
We like food! And naps. And cuddles.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
She would say everything! She’s very grateful.
Having a home. She came from a shelter to her last owner. While she was in lock up, she was attacked by another dog they put with her. She has scars and is wary of dogs bigger than her. She used to suck her toe when she first came, a comfort thing. Somewhere, on an old memory card from a flip phone, I should have a video of her doing that. She doesn’t do it anymore. She finally relaxed. She finally knows shes safe. Forever. In HER home. Please Rescue!
Photo by Fredrik Öhlander on Unsplash
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I would have a forever home from the start. No pound. All dogs and cats should.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
I wish she could.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Shes already perfect!
What mom said! Only add psychokinesis. So I can will food to come to me.
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Dogs don’t worry about the future. They are a wonderful reminder to be present and be happy.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Catching that darn ups truck! Mom stops me every time I try to chase it. It’s her fault, really. I could catch it. I know I could. Or a squirrel. I could catch one of those too!
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Sammie went from 158# to 134# on her diet!
I can walk around the block! I couldn’t walk around the house when I first started.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
Treats and pet me! But bring me treats!
17. What is your most treasured memory?
Laying outside by the fire at night when I was first sprung from the pound. Next to…
18. What is your most terrible memory?
Being afraid/ being alone. She cowers. Something bad happened to her at some time in her life. I can tell when things remind her of it.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Eat more! Of course!
20. What does friendship mean to you?
Pets and hugs!
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Love and affection are everything to a dog!
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Sammie is loving, stubborn, funny, smart, and protective (not of me but I’ve seen her protect. She’d let the axe murderer get me as long as he petted her or had a treat. She hides behind me when she’s scared. Guess I’m the bigger badass.)
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Mom is always cold and cuddling up to me to warm up. And I nuzzle her anyway because cuddles make me happy.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Mom’s ok, I guess.
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
Happy to be home together.
Happy the kitties are all sleeping.
Wondering if there’s any good food out in the kitchen.
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
More love. And maybe their dinner. Theirs. Not mine. Mine is mine. But I’ll be happy to share theirs.
Photo by Aaron Thomas on Unsplash
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
I’m a rottweiler. We fart. A lot. You’ll have to deal with it.
Also, if you are so privileged as to have me “growl” at you, I am not growling. I am purring. It is called the Rottie Rumble. It’s a thing. Don’t be scared.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
Mom, you keep me safe. That’s why I know I can hide behind you if I’m scared.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Ok. Best “Sammie is really dumb sometimes” story. We started going to Pet Valu for baths. They have 2 glass doors. I opened one for her to go out and she merrily walked right into the other door. It took a minute to sort her out. She still has the occasional disagreement with glass doors and which one is actually open.
Second impressively dumb story: The first night I brought her to my house, I left her alone for 2 hours. She went upstairs and somehow managed to get stuck behind the organ in my daughters room. The organ was flanked by 2 floor to ceiling cube stacks filled with stuffed animals. Fat rottweilers can fly. That’s the only way I can figure she got back there! She did not move the furniture. I wish I would’ve taken a picture. But I panicked. She could’ve been hurt.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
I remember, about 3 years ago, a house burned down a few blocks from us. That was the last time I heard Sammie’s mournful cry. The dog that lived there survived. I think he was the reason she cried like that, though.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
Mom, you feed me. Not enough but at least you try.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Food. Never joke about food.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Goodbye, I love you. He just never came back for me.
I waited for you.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
My treats! Or my bowl! Or my cases of food! Or my big bag of kibble! My blankie! My toys! Oh crap! Squirrel!
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Mom. I don’t know who would walk me at 12am and 2am and 4am and 7 am. Although somebody else might feed me more.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Mom, you are the problem. You wont feed me as much as I like. It’s a real problem! Especially since the cats get food left all over the house for them all the time and it’s just out of my reach.
But I love you.
Ok, those are the 36 questions that Mom wanted me to answer.
This is me. Holding my very first writing conference! It was a big hit. Everyone loved me and I got lots of pets. Let me tell you all about it.
Mom told me we were GOing on a trip. I was very excited. I thought maybe we would finally GO on that diet she keeps promising me but it turned out we needed to go to Virginia to a writing conference. Mom is a writer too, you know. So we had to get ready to GO!
First I had to GO get a bath! I like baths. I get treats and everybody at PetValu loves me.
Then I had to pack my suitcase. I get my own and it is bigger than Mom’s. Poseidon helped me close it. I packed my food and my treats and a toy and my blankies.
It took forever for the day we had to leave to get here. I waited and waited. Mom made us pack before that day because she was worried we would forget something. I was so excited to GO! And finally we were in the car and on our way.
We left late. Don’t worry, Mom is always late. She says she isn’t late, she’s European. I say she’s always late. And then there was construction. And a train! I love trains. We live near train tracks and when a train goes by while we are out walking, I always stop to watch it. I was glad Mom stopped the car to watch this train. It was nice of her.
We had to stop along the road for me to go potty several times on the way down. I was getting very tired by the time Mom said we were finally in Virginia. When we got to the hotel, the front desk gave me treats and a bag (for when the treats come out). The hotel we stayed at was called the Stonewall Jackson Hotel. This is the view from where I got to go potty.
I had a new experience when we arrived. Mom led me into a tiny room and the doors slid shut behind us. It was very scary and I hid behind Mom. I felt really weird in my tummy. Suddenly the doors opened…but we weren’t in the same place anymore! I don’t know what happened. The room we just came out of disappeared. And there was a hallway in front of us now. It wasn’t where we came from! Our scent trail ended at the door of that tiny room. It was like the whole room moved. I still don’t know what happened, but we went in that room often while we were there. I was scared every time. I would walk around behind Mom, trying to rope her with my leash to hold her still for protection, you know; but she kept twirling around and getting loose. I don’t know why Mom felt like dancing in that tiny scary room. She’s weird. She called it an elevator. Have you ever been in an elevator? DON’T GO!
We got to our room, which was very high off the ground! I don’t know how we got up there. I couldn’t take the stairs. Mom said my Arthur-itis would make me very sore if I tried. Mom put my blankets on the floor because I couldn’t get on the bed in our room either. That was Arthur-itis’ fault too. He’s very mean. And the bed was very very high.
This was the view from our window looking down. We were on the 4th floor!
I was very sad that I couldn’t make it up on the bed. But Mom fixed everything. She slept on the floor with me every night.
Everybody loved me in Virginia. Of course, as you saw in my first picture, I held conference sessions in the lobby of the hotel.
But sometimes, there was nobody in my conference seating areas to pet me. I looked for my public every time we walked through. Someday when I’m famous, maybe you can come to one of my conferences and pet me! Obviously, I need more people to come.
Mom and I ventured out of the hotel for walks too. A girl has to keep her figure, even when she’s traveling. On one walk, we ended up at the liquor store. Mom goes there in Pennsylvania too but I never get to go. In Virginia, they allow doggies in the liquor store! Mom was very excited about this. So was I, they have treats behind the counter! Treats have no effect on my figure. None. Shush.
The liquor store was fun. Lots of people petted me there too.
Our hotel was pretty nice. They had something called room service but Mom wouldn’t let me get the dishes that were left in the hallway. They had a dish with my name on it on the menu too. Mom can be really mean sometimes but she said onions are not good for me so I couldn’t have MY dish.
You see that? The Big Breakfast SAMMIE. That should have been mine. I’m NOT fat! I could’ve eaten it.
I had a really good time in Virginia. I even chased some squirrels. This is why Mom says no one else can walk me. Because I’m so very good until I see a squirrel. Then I’m wonderful because I do my best to chase that squirrel. And I help whoever is holding my leash come along with me as fast as I can go. Even if they can’t go that fast, I make them. Because I like to motivate people.
But when it was all over, I was very happy when we packed my blankies in my suitcase and went to the garage to get the car so we could GO home.
And I was so relieved to be back at home on MY home blankie where I belong. I like writing conferences, I might go to some more. But I love my home.
