Month: March 2017

Saturday 3/25/2017

It is official.  Mom is trying to starve me.  She did it again yesterday.  She only fed me two meals!  I have been reduced to living off the scraps of a cardboard box the cats tore up.  And Mom even took those right out of my mouth! Can you believe it?  She took it right out of my mouth.  She must really have it in for me.  I don’t know what I did to deserve this.  She won’t even let me have cardboard to eat.  I only got four cups of dry food and one can of wet food yesterday.  Absolute starvation is eminent.

 

Sunday 3/26/2017

Food was back to what passes for normal around here yesterday; even though Mom went out.  Missing food is never normal and I’m still hungry but it seems this might be the new routine.  Except on those darn Fridays when Mom has been forgetting my third meal because Grandpa says I have to be CATholic.  Stupid cats.  Something must be done about that.  I am getting more walks, so I guess that’s a good thing.  But I miss my food.  And we still haven’t gotten to GO on a diet yet.  I have to convince Mom to GO somewhere.  It’s the only way I’m going to make up for this missing food.  I continue to wake her when she is sleeping but she’s just not getting the hint.  I don’t know how to make her GO somewhere so I can beg other people for treats.

 

Monday 3/27/2017

Ha ha!  I found a plate of food that the cats that live on the porch lost!  They run when I come out but it tastes like the same food I steal from the cats in the house.  It was spilled all over the grass as I was walking to the back yard to go to the potty.  Maybe they can help me ward off starvation by leaving food in the yard for me!  Mom feeds them whenever they meow.  And she would never know it was for me because they have other strays come to eat too!  I will have to talk to them and see if they will help me.

 

Tuesday 3/28/2017

Mom gave the cats treats yesterday.  She gave me a very very very small piece of beef stick.  Those darn cats got gigantic handfuls of treats!  It took them AGES to eat them all.  (They didn’t drop a single one either.  I checked.)  And I only got a tiny miniscule piece of beef.  It was gone in one bite.  Obviously, Mom is not starving those cats.  I wonder why she’s starving me?  I am ever so cute!  Everyone says so.  And I’m hungry.

 

Wednesday 3/29/2017

Mom’s treats are insufficient.  I finally came up with a plan yesterday.  I figured out how to tell her I want to GO somewhere!  I had hoped she would take me on that diet that the vet talked about because there was definitely food mentioned in that conversation.  When she took me outside, I pulled her to the car and kept herding her around it.  I really thought she’d get the hint and we would GO!  She said I have to wait.  That we will be GOing for a bath soon…and you know what that means! TREATS!  And that I have a vet appointment next week.  That’s good.  Maybe he will remind her that we need to GO on that diet!  I sure hope so because I can just taste the treats I will get when we GO on that diet!

 

Thursday 3/30/2017

So yesterday Mom got all excited.  We were on one of our short walks and I ran!  She had to trot to keep up with me.  She was very happy about this for some reason.  She said maybe I am finally starting to lose weight.  I don’t remember losing anything.  And if I did, I’m sure I could sniff it out and find it again.  I have all my toys.  I counted them when we got back just to make sure.  I don’t want to lose anything!  Losing is bad.  But Mom seemed happy and we were running!  But my run got interrupted by a loose doggie.  Mom brought me back to the house and then she went back outside.  I think she went to run with the other doggie.  He was fast.  I am not that fast.  My knees bother me and that other doggie was much leaner than I am.  I am built for cuddles and warmies.  I didn’t smell the other doggie on Mom when she got back.  Maybe he was too fast and didn’t want to run with a slowpoke like her.  But I wasn’t very happy that my run got interrupted.

 

Friday 3/31/2017

Yesterday I did not run on my walk like the day before.  I tracked.  I sniffed and sniffed and backtracked and front tracked and sidetracked.  And Mom let me!  She didn’t make me stick to the path.  At least that was nice of her.  I was trying to find the doggie from the day before but he wasn’t around.  I was also trying to find the strange smell from the night before.  Mom said the cats had a visitor.  I smelled their visitor all the way in the house!  Mom smelled him too.  She said it was a skunk and I couldn’t go out of the yard because he would spray me.  Today is Friday, Mom says.  I came inside from my morning pee and upset my bowl so Mom knows that I know it is empty.  She better get that food in there fast.  And she better not short me any.  I hope there isn’t any missing food today.

Saturday 3/18/2017

Do you know what happened yesterday?  It was Friday.  And Mom thinks I don’t realize it; but she only fed me TWICE yesterday!  I got cheated out of a whole can of food.  Cheated!  It is terrible.  This cannot go on!  Grandpa told Mom it is something called “lent.”  Grandpa said I need to be a good CATholic.  I do not like “lent.”  I am not a CATholic…I am a DOG.  What if she cheats me out of food again tomorrow because of this “lent” thing???  I have come to the conclusion that I don’t care if we never GO on a diet.  I just want my food back!  I’m hungry.

 

Sunday 3/19/2017

Ok.  Phew.  Three meals yesterday.  Mom must’ve finally realized I can’t be CATholic because I am a DOG.  But still, it seems, I am short food.  At least I get three meals.  I must watch that woman when she dishes it out and see what is wrong.  I don’t know why Mom can’t get it right anymore.  It’s awful.

 

Monday 3/20/2017

I know there is missing food.  I can count.  I watched her put only ONE scoop in lunch yesterday.  There are supposed to be TWO.  And for dinner, I get the WHOLE can.  Not this half nonsense.  Thank goodness she’s added this extra scoop of kibble in dinner.  I’ll keep that.  But I need my other scoop in lunch and the rest of the can for dinner.  I’m sure now that Mom forgot all about promising we could GO on a diet but it doesn’t matter anyway.  I can’t do anything about that at the moment.  This food situation is paramount.  I’m trying to tell Mom that something is off with her math.  Every time we are in the kitchen, I nudge my bowl.  She has to get the hint.  I have also started to whine earlier for feeding times.  Perhaps if I can catch her earlier, she won’t be too drunk to count to TWO for my scoops.  She would never short me food on purpose!  Would she???!

 

Tuesday 3/21/2017

Drastic measures are necessary.  I must do something.  It has been almost tow weeks and I cannot go on without my full compliment of food!  Last night, I woke Mom up at 2 am whining.  She will get tired of this and start feeding me more.  Mom can’t stand to see anyone sad.  She will feed me!  I also sat beside her when she filled my dish and pointedly hung my head when she only put one scoop in for lunch and dinner.  She must realize I know something is wrong.  I am very smart!  She always tells me that!

 

Wednesday 3/22/2017

I woke Mom up again whining.  At least she takes me outside when I do that.  She will realize that isn’t the problem and feed me eventually!  Sometimes those Moms are slow to catch on.  They aren’t as smart as rottweilers.  I have also started foraging for food.  She has me blocked from the cats’ food.  I have gotten it many times despite her best measures to keep me from it and I will figure out how to get past her latest attempts at blocking me.  But in the meantime, I found a bag of Mom’s candy!  I only got a few pieces before she caught me.  She said it’s bad for me and took it off of me!  Do you believe that?  I got that fair and square!  I am mad.  Plus it can’t be bad for me.  I like it.  I must look for more food when Mom is otherwise occupied.

 

Thursday 3/23/2017

I woke her up again last night.  At midnight-thirty this time, she said!  She’s figuring it out!  I just know she is!  Mom is such a good girl!  She tries.  She can’t help it she doesn’t have my rottweiler brains.  But she is figuring it out that I am waking her up every night.  Soon she will realize that it is because of the great food shortage.  She will think back and correlate the two.  I wake the cats up too when I make her get up and one of them pounced on her nose!  Hehe.  The sooner she gets the food back to normal, the sooner I will let her sleep.

 

Friday 3/24/2017

I woke Mom at 3 am last night.  But that isn’t important right now.  Everything is going to be ok!  Salvation!  I forgot about treats!  Mom went to the dog food store yesterday and I got a treat!  Mom is not the only one who feeds me!  I may be able to survive after all.  The lady who owns the dog food store gives me treats.  The people at the doggie bath give me treats.  The people at the bank drive thru hand out treats.  The ice cream shop gives doggie bowls.  The neighbors sometimes stop their cars and give me beef jerky when I’m on my walks.  There are lots of places I can get people to give me food!  I don’t have to depend on Mom alone!  I found the treat in the bag on the porch before Mom even got it into the house.  I will have to keep a close eye out because this will save me.  I will not starve completely thanks to the generosity of all those people who think I am cute!  It will be ok after all.  Now I wonder if I can get Mom to remember her promise that I could GO on a diet.  Everywhere else I go they have treats.  And if the vet suggested I go, diet must be a doggie friendly place.  And that means they must have TREATS!!!

Monday 3/13/2017

It’s Monday! It’s Monday! It’s Monday!  Today is the day we GO!  I can’t wait!  Last week on Thursday, I went to the vet.  He told Mom that I am something called “40 pounds overweight”.  I’m over!  Over is great!  Over is on top!  I must be top dog!   He said that because I’m such a good dog and am 40 pounds overweight, I get to GO on a diet!  I don’t know what a diet is but I definitely want to GO!  It’s so much fun when we GO on walks and GO on car rides!  I can’t wait to GO on a diet!  Mom said she was going to wait until today because I had 3 vaccines and she wanted to make sure I didn’t have a reaction to them.  Mom worries a lot.  But today I get to GO on a diet!  The vet said something about a can of food too!  A whole can!  I get two cans a day now and I’m going to get another one!  I’m so excited!

 

Tuesday 3/14/2017

Do you know what happened yesterday?  I didn’t GO anywhere!  Sure, I went for my daily walks.  We went a little bit farther than usual, which was grrreat!  But Mom and the vet said I was supposed to GO on a diet.  I really wanted to GO!  And do you know what else?  I think mom shorted me some food!  I know I heard the vet say something about a whole can.  I usually get two cans a day,  But when I got my last two meals of the day, they were different than usual.  There was dry kibble in dinner and it seemed like lunch was smaller than it should have been.  I have to keep an eye on this.  Maybe Mom wasn’t feeling up to it and we will get to GO on a diet tomorrow.

 

Wednesday 3/15/2017

Something is definitely wrong.  I think Mom is shorting me food!  I wonder if we are running out?  I am watching her when she fills my bowl and she’s changing things up but I KNOW it’s short!  I KNOW it is!  I think she is trying to trick me.  I am going to have to count again tomorrow.  And I still didn’t get to GO on a diet!  I wonder what’s wrong with Mom?

 

Thursday 3/16/2017

Ok.  Something is definitely wrong.  I still didn’t get to GO on a diet!  When Mom says we are going to GO somewhere, we ALWAYS GO!  Wonder why she won’t take me?  She’s still talking about it but we didn’t GO yet!  It’s been soooooo looooooong!  A whole week since the vet said I should get to GO!  I’m getting worried.  And the food situation?  It’s terrible!  I counted scoops yesterday.  I get two in the morning and a half of a can.  Mom did that right.  Then I always get two scoops and the other half of the can for lunch and another can for dinner.  She only put ONE scoop in lunch and she put one scoop and only half a can in dinner.  She’s trying to confuse me but I think it’s short something.  Either that or she’s drunk and messing up my food measurements.  Maybe that’s it.  Maybe she was drunk and had trouble counting.  It must have been a mistake.  Mom loves me more than anything.  She would never short me food on purpose.

 

Friday 3/17/2017

Mom has to be drunk.  She messed up my food AGAIN!  And we still didn’t GO on a diet.  I really want to GO!  The food situation is getting dire though.  Mom is messing it up!  She did it again.  I counted!  There was only ONE scoop of dry kibble in lunch.  There have ALWAYS been two.  Since forever.  I know she gave me one scoop of dry kibble with dinner but that’s just extra because she loves me.  She does breakfast just fine.  Two scoops of kibble and half a can.  Two.  One, two.  I watch her.  She must be getting drunk during the day and forgets how to count to two by lunchtime.  That has to be it.  If this continues, I may starve.  It’s terrible.  There is missing food throughout my day.  I am going to figure this out…